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Wednesday, December 16, 2009
I haven't found the perfect words to sum up how sorry I am...
6 days hasn't gone by without me thinking about Thursday night. It feels like a million thoughts have gone through my head as I try to make sense of how I acted. Yes, I am humiliated by my actions, but even more, I am devastated knowing that I hurt you. are about you so much and the thought of causing you any pain tears me up. Throughout the day I keep going over and over everything that happened and how much I wish I could change what I have done to you. I toss and turn at night, barely able to sleep. Wake up and can't even bear eating. I'm a mess and I'm afraid that no words can really express how deeply sorry I am.

I know you deserve better. I want you to know how serious I am about making changes in my life and if nothing else, I'd like to thank you for helping me realize this.

I'm truly ashamed and sincerely sorry for all the pain I have caused you. For all the pain that you had to deal with. I can't apologize enough to you. I hope you can forgive me...

I'm sorry sayang.... Love you lots and you know, right? Time will heal...

~ { 4:02 PM }
LennY

Monday, December 14, 2009
Time will heal...
I can't force him.. I can't force myself too. Things is no good now.. But at least, he trying to talk things out.. He trying to talk to me... Good enuff.. We just talked on the phone. He says, he need time. I told him, I need him to give me one last chance.. I have to take things slowly even though it hurts. It rather than.... I don't have him at all.. I'm learning to be more patience. He's my everything.. I don't want to wake up in the morning knowing that, he's no longer with me.. I can't!!! I simply can't! He's my life, my love..

Ya Allah, berikan lah aku pertunjuk, Ya Allah... Lembutkan lah hati nya, Ya Allah.. Kau tahu aku amat mencintainya, Ya Allah.. Apa yang berlaku adalah saya diriku sendiri... Hukum lah aku sepuas mu... Tapi, jangan lah KAU ambil dirinya dari ku, Ya Allah... Ya Rabbi...

Starting from today onwards, everything going to change.. Change for better.. I'm trying to place everything at the right place now.. My head is spinning... My mind is not at ease. All I want is, things to be better in future.....

p/s: Sayang, cinta padamu tidak akan berubahh... I won't leave u... I'll wait for u no matter how long it takes.... This, I promise u..................................................

~ { 9:02 PM }
LennY
MY WRONG...!!!
Hey bloggers! How r u doin?? I hope everything goes well to u... As for me............... things not so well actually.. 2009, a year full of "SHUCCCKKS!" I learnt alot of things.. Lots of it! Kinda sickening..

I just wanna make it short here. Short in sense of, I'm not going to tell all over again. Just throwing out what I felt... I wanna talk about RELATIONSHIP. In relationship, BGR. There's happy moment, there's sadness. Ouch! Hurts! I love this man so much.. Yes, so much.. Not sure if he really knows how much he really meant to me. I learnt, a silly mistakes, gonna drive u crazy.. Even like driving u to graveyard..! I did something wrong.. Yes! WRONG! MISTAKES! I repent! I really do. I just hoping that, whatever I & HIM planned, will turn out to be better in times. I just need him to forgive me.. Give me another chance. How if HE is in my shoes?? Do u think he deserve a second bloody chance?? Killing me softly.. It really do killing me.....!!! He talked, as if, nothing happen. Oh god!! I know he's hurt! I'm hurt tooo! Both HURTS! I understand, u need time... So do I... Time will heal, hopefully. I promise myself and to HIM.. I'll never leave HIM no matters what happen.. I just can't imagine living in this world without HIM... Suckss right! I just can't! I can't!

Ya ALLAH, I need ur guidance.. I need U to guide me along to keep it strong.. I really need to! He just like part of my life now eversince. Please ALLAH...

He's out now watching soccer match with his friends. I know, he did that cos, HE stressed and don't want to think about it to much. Fine, let him be... Let him do freely what he wants... As for I am concern, I LOVE HIM LOTS! And I know, He knew that well....

Sayang, if u read this, from bottom of my heart.. I love u so much.. I'm sorry for all my wrongs... I'm so so sorry... Please forgive me...!

p/s: Waiting for his call... He'll be calling me after his match....


~ { 12:23 AM }
LennY